As I write this, on Sunday evening, I'm feeling a little worse for wear following the general malarky and shenanigans from my Australian hen day yesterday! A tremendous effort was put in by all 'tacky bridesmaids' and my "mother of the bride" did a grand job of looking after me and fixing my static hair (you'll know why when you see the pics). There had been great hilarity at work in the week leading up to the hen, at times I've been shut in the kitchen while various outfits have been tried on at lunchtime. They had all tried to keep the activities a secret and they were doing so well until finally, Tracey, the receptionist at work, let the cat out of the bag - "Do you know what outfit you're wearing to the races?" which was suddenly followed by a look of horror. Ah ha! One activity down, one more to find out. Best to pack for all eventualities so rainjacket, umbrella, hat, sunblock, t-shirt,shorts, leggings, water etc were all stuffed in a bag, ready for Liza to come and pick me up at 9am
First stop, Dusties footie ground to admire all bridesmaids outfits and get on the bus. I was ordered to put on a rather 70's angelic Jesus like wedding dress with the biggest, widest sleeves ever, then had a veil with ridiculously tacky balloons attached, hence the static hair. Bouquet was provided and a set of pink furry handcuffs that came in very handy later on to keep me from tripping over my train! Name tags were handed out, and those names were to be used all day to address everyone else - should you use their real names, then there were consequences! I was SHEILA (of course!) and my bridesmaids included Joyce, Audrey, Noleen, Doris, Flo, Pearl, Thelma, Fanny, Mabel.....the list goes on but you get the picture!
On the bus with a cup of punch in hand and of course a willy straw (is this setting the scene for the day ahead?) we are off to Frankston, about an hour from Warragul. During the bus journey and 3 cups of punch later, I get handed a shot glass and instructed to down whatever is in there if I get a question wrong for the Mr and Mrs quiz - uh oh! Liza/Thelma tells me the first one is easy - "what is Bob's favourite food and drink?" Me: "Cheese and red wine! Liza: "Who are you marrying?! It's beer and curry!" Oh dear. Maybe this isn't going to be easy at all.....In the end I don't do too badly, I think I got 6/10 so the wedding can still go ahead. Phew.
We arrive in Frankston at Pole Divas! Pole dancing here we come. The glass of 'champagne' came in handy for most of us, who were swinging quite happily around our pole but sadly, looking quite stiff compare to the instructor who seemed to be able to move her bum quite freely! She wasn't shy put it that way!! Absolutely hilarious, with our sexy walking, mounts and twists, but I'm feeling quite sore today as expected! Natalie Bright, as always, was a show stopper, doing the routines in her bra and pants. Yes she was sober but being her usual extroverted self which just added to the entertainment, for us and the instructor!
Back on the bus and heading for the races, dresses back on and punch back in hand. We set up camp and cooked ourselves a BBQ for lunch before heading off for a quick bet on the horses. I only put $5 on for the whole day and didn't win anything! Next up, silly games including burst the balloon with a sexual position, pin the willy on the hunky man etc etc all good fun. Then we headed down the front to see some horse action and set up camp next to a stag party - oh dear. Not only did they request a lap dance from the hen, the police men then came over to check they weren't doing anything too illegal to our hen party oops. All good natured fun, if very very embarrassing. I'm afraid to say that my 1 minute of lap dancing was more like me walking round the chair 10 zillion times, stopping to give him a shoulder massage before shaking my bum (a la pole dancing) and running away! Not particularly sexy but I got away with it. Never again!
Got my picture taken with Santa, Natalie tried to win a prize by gatecrashing the final round of Fashions on the Field (she didn't get very far) and I got asked to have my picture taken with a few birthday girls. Yes, my dress was that bad that people wanted to record it on film!
All in all, a fabulous day, topped off with a good session of Singstar at Ruth and Jess's house before heading homewards with Liza and Nicky where we all gave Bob a rather drunken dubious version of our pole dancing routine in the kitchen - not sure if he enjoyed it but he was certainly entertained! Much fun.
10 days until we fly home!! xxxxx
